(Also known as Transmissions of the Week)
“Our relationship will be on the Dire Straights and I don’t mean the band!”
“I would hate to have to call you a bitch but your forcing my hand.”
“You’se r now officially a bitch”
“Dude, seriously? I have felt like shit for weeks and haven’t slept a decent nights sleep since I broke my shoulder and I’m going.”
(How can I compete with all that biblical power?)
“Hey, do you need us to drop some maxi-pads by your place when we get back from the awesomeness tomorrow? Or are you using tampons like a big girl?”
(Funny shit. Made me proud.)
(What else could I reply to the last statement?)
“Do you need the ones with wings? Is it a heavy flow month? Does your va-jay-jay huwt?
(Again, well played)
“You call to talk smack?”
(After I dodged a predictable phone conversation.)
“Technically no, I called to make sure you didn’t want to un-bitch yourself “
(The reply I got. Strangely sounds like talking smack.)
“Bailin’ on Joplin”
(this is all I said, apparently skipping a trip to Joplin with my boys means a hate crime. It would have been great except I’ve been mouth breathing for a few days now and thought it would be the right thing to do if I stayed home and sleep away my sickness. BIG GODDAMNED MISTAKE ON MY PART! Not that I am sinless in this but I had to text. We all know how that conversation would have gone… much like arguing about god. Sure, it was a bitch move not calling or planning on not taking phone calls until Sunday but I am not ashamed. There was a lesson to be learned here, though. And that lesson is: Guilt cannot cure sickness.)
p.s. I promise, my babies, I will have the Soundtrack article about Pavement up soon... I promise.
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