Side Burneius the Mundane
Qoutact I
Tonight I have a tale. It is a great tale. It is great tale of friendship and heartbreak. So sit back my children and witness this yarn I spin you. Wait a minute; I must call on the muse to help me sing this tale of the Side Burneius and his epic journey to becoming a mediocre reviewer of reviews of other people’s work. Yo, muse gets your ass down here and do your job. Help me tell of Side Burneius the skeptic warrior.
Side Burneius was forged of the greatest forces ever known by no man, of high type nor low. His fate was determined many years before his birth. Side Burneius was to become an average type of guy, for this was his destiny. As Side Burneius lay down to take his rest he slipped into a most vivid dream. In this dream he had a vision of a most beautiful axe. Upon this axe, built by the hands of Jove, was painted the future of our great hero. He saw a job and bills piled up as big as a description of the dressing of the character (You know, endless pages of some dude putting on his armor.) found in Homeric verses. Startled and shaken Side Burneius awakes and knows he is to journey a short distance and research for a paper. Fate intervenes and only supplies him with books and no journals leaving him just short of the sources required to fulfill his destiny of writing a paper no one would ever use to build a great empire. At best, it could be rolled up and stuck in the eye of an overzealous Cyclops who carries a gun bigger than the beast itself.
Feeling like a failure Side Burneius reaches out to a friend of his, by the name of Dayarian. Dayarian a fan of the epics and in pursuit of English studies seems to be in a pivotal position to help our hero. Side Burneius, who is such a man as to be able to put his piety aside and reach out for help, calls on Dayarian. “Hey man do you know where I can find a journal or an essay on Virgil?” Dayarian replies, “Ummmm… Naw… dude sorry. There are these things called libraries” Juno, gazing down on this becomes enraged. How dare a tiger deny a lion with such ease? Meanwhile, Side Burneius is left to battle as a lone warrior in a war that seems meaningless. As he grasped his mighty sword in his steady hand he felt a vibration in his lower thigh. He reaches in his pocket and discovers a message. It was a message from Dayarian and it read, “If it’s any worth you can site that I think Virgil is a cool dude.” Was this a twist of the dagger that brought great Caesar to his demise? Despite the lack of support Side Burneius prevailed in this battle. 6 pages, 150 lines, 1,479 words, and 8,518 characters all lay slain by his hands alone. Side Burneius has a few battles left ahead of him but as a society we must believe he will fulfill his destiny and become as average as anyone ever.
Side Burneius was forged of the greatest forces ever known by no man, of high type nor low. His fate was determined many years before his birth. Side Burneius was to become an average type of guy, for this was his destiny. As Side Burneius lay down to take his rest he slipped into a most vivid dream. In this dream he had a vision of a most beautiful axe. Upon this axe, built by the hands of Jove, was painted the future of our great hero. He saw a job and bills piled up as big as a description of the dressing of the character (You know, endless pages of some dude putting on his armor.) found in Homeric verses. Startled and shaken Side Burneius awakes and knows he is to journey a short distance and research for a paper. Fate intervenes and only supplies him with books and no journals leaving him just short of the sources required to fulfill his destiny of writing a paper no one would ever use to build a great empire. At best, it could be rolled up and stuck in the eye of an overzealous Cyclops who carries a gun bigger than the beast itself.
Feeling like a failure Side Burneius reaches out to a friend of his, by the name of Dayarian. Dayarian a fan of the epics and in pursuit of English studies seems to be in a pivotal position to help our hero. Side Burneius, who is such a man as to be able to put his piety aside and reach out for help, calls on Dayarian. “Hey man do you know where I can find a journal or an essay on Virgil?” Dayarian replies, “Ummmm… Naw… dude sorry. There are these things called libraries” Juno, gazing down on this becomes enraged. How dare a tiger deny a lion with such ease? Meanwhile, Side Burneius is left to battle as a lone warrior in a war that seems meaningless. As he grasped his mighty sword in his steady hand he felt a vibration in his lower thigh. He reaches in his pocket and discovers a message. It was a message from Dayarian and it read, “If it’s any worth you can site that I think Virgil is a cool dude.” Was this a twist of the dagger that brought great Caesar to his demise? Despite the lack of support Side Burneius prevailed in this battle. 6 pages, 150 lines, 1,479 words, and 8,518 characters all lay slain by his hands alone. Side Burneius has a few battles left ahead of him but as a society we must believe he will fulfill his destiny and become as average as anyone ever.
-Cap'n Cletus
*Moral of the story is maybe phoning a friend is not the best lifeline to use.
*Moral of the story is maybe phoning a friend is not the best lifeline to use.
(An artists depiction of the fate of Dayarian)
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